Hogwarts Reads Harry Potter Kung Fu Master
by JFox101
Summary: Umbridge is sent HPKRM and is told to read it to Hogwarts. She accepts thi s task in hopes to reveal Harry's "lies"
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Umbridge's Plot**

Dolores Umbridge was an insufferable woman in many, many ways. But her focus on Harry James Potter was her most irritating trait. If it where up to her, he would be expelled simply for existing.

Suddenly, a glowing light in the shape of a book appeared on her desk. In its wake appeared a book of all things. On the cover however, was Harry Potter in different robes than school mandated robes. And the shoadows of different animals behind him.

Filthy creatures. Umbridge thought of the so called "Furious Five" that had payed a visit to the school For a demonstration on the filthy tiger's classes about different "Styles" of muggle dueling. Why the governors agreed to that class she would have no clue. She especially hated that fat panda.

"Dear Professor Umbridge." She read. "Please read this aloud to Hogwarts. A Friend."

This is it. The evidence I've been looking for. She thought joyously. He'll be expelled forever!

The next day, the students had gathered in the Great Hall. And she told them of the book.

Harry merely smirked. The truth of things would be revealed. Even though a few secrets would be revealed, the truth was worth more. "Professor." The part tiger boy said. "Could Professor Snape read the first chapter please? After all it is my story and he plays a major role in how I've t urned out."

She merely smiled sinisterly. "I don't see why not. Professor Snape, if you would begin."

Severus took the book and looked at the few meger paragraphs that made up the first chapter. "The first chapter is called A New Home."

**"Until he's ready." A pair of eyes watched the entire scene from the darkness unseen.**

Dumbledore had been slightly disappointed in Severus when he had found out that he went behind his back. But considering how Harry had turned out, maybe that was best.

"I wonder who that could be." A young slytherin First Year wondered out loud.

**"Good luck. Harry Potter." The elderly human said and he vanished with a POP as the elderly female transformed into a non bipedal cat and slunked away in the darkness while the overly large man flew into the sky on a motorbike.**

Umbridge growled. She'd get that monstrous oaf out of this school if it was the last thing she did.

**The unknown entity stepped out onto the dark street of Privet Drive as the young human infant yawned and turned with the letter the old human had left. The entity grabbed onto the basket and melted into the darkness.**

**Continents away, in China, in the Valley of Peace, the mysterious entity emerges from the darkness onto the moonlit doorstep of the Jade Palace.**

"The Valley of Peace?" A Hufflepuff asked in confusion.

"Its hidden." Harry explained. "Between high mountain ranges and rough terrain. Including a canyon known as "The Canyon of the Shrieking Winds."

"Why shrieking?" Herminoe asked in curiousity.

"Becuase they shriek and blow so hard that they can lift even Po up high into the air."

**"Good luck. Harry Potter." The mysterious entity said before a swish of his cloak made him disappear as Severus Snape left the young savior of the wizarding world on the doorstep of one of the worlds most renowned martial arts masters.**

The Slytherins, especially Malfoy, stared at their Head of House in shock.

**As the sun rose, Harry turned over and yawned once again as he had been falling in and out of slumber the entire night. **

Harry blushed as many girls awwed at the image in their minds.

**A small red panda opened the doors of the palace and looked down to find the human infant. The sun light peeked over the mountain range and reflected in the fresh scar on his forehead.**

"Baba." Harry said happily. A few looked to him curiously. "He's my adopted father. I call him Baba." Harry explained. "Its an affectionate nickname."

**"You are too young to have a scar this curious little one." Master Shifu said. There was something ominous about that scar. With all his might he lifted the basket. "Let's get you inside." He carried the basket passed a confused Tigress and Monkey as he took the human infant to his own chambers**.

Those who had seen the Five when they came the previous year smiled. They might get to see how they where at home.

McGonagall took the book.

**To Be Continued...**

**Review Review Review!**

**Dean the Cuddly Fox**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I have decedided to make this a SmallMaleHarem/Harry pairings. So far Po and Tai Lung are guaranteed. But I'm not sure if there will be others. **

There where several murmerings over at the Slytherin table during the Lunch period before the reading of the second chapter. Many of the Inner Circle's children where considering informing their parents of Snape's actions regarding Potter.

"Severus." Dumbledore said quietly to the Potions Master. "You must speak with your House. Especially your Fifth through Seventh Years."

"Of course Headmaster." Severus said. All he had to tell them was about his relationship with Lily Evans before he became loyal to the Dark Lord. Then hopefully, they would believe him.

**At the Gryffindor Table..**.

"Will Slytherin House please return to their Common Room briefly." Severus requested his students who obeyed their Head of House and left the Great Hall.

"Why do you think Snape told them to-?" Ron was asking before Harry interrupted him.

"Probably making up an explanation to satisfy the children of Voldemort's(Oh COME ON Ron its just a name!) Inner Circle." Harry suggested.

"He does seem to...approve of you quite a bit." Hermione said to their martial artist friend.

**In the Snake's Common Room a short while later**

"Most of you are wondering why I act toward Potter the way I do and why I did not shall we say...put him down...as an infant." Severus was in front of his Snakes as many sat in arm chairs or on the floor. "I knew his mother, Lily Evans, before our Hogwarts years. I introduced her to our world because I saw her not as a Mudblood, but a very powerful young witch."

Draco and his usual group looked scandalized. Their most favored Professor friends with a Mudblood? Shameful. And to think he is my godfather. Draco thought with slight disgust.

"And you would do well to not insult me Mr. Malfoy." Severus warned and Draco jumped. "OR do you need a reminder of how I am the Third most accomplished Legillimens/Occlumens in the last five hundred years?"

Malfoy shook his head and shifted his position to a less aggressive posture.

"She had excellent control over her magic even at the age of 8. When her favorite past time was making flower buds that where cut off burst into full bloom and then back as if they had never even had the chance."

Some of the younger Slytherins wowed. Not even most Pureblood children had that type of control.

"We remained close until our fifth year. When I called her Mudblood for the first and only time. But when I tried to apologize, it was too late. We never spoke again until after Hogwarts before I became a Death Eater when she was considering me to be Potter's Godfather."

There where several gasps.

"And I assure you I refused to be the godfather for any child with Potter Senior's blood in their veins. And while I still spit on Potter Senior's grave every chance I get, I still felt an obligation to Lily Evans, not Lily Potter, to make sure her son would grow up in a decent home. Her adopted sister absolutely despised her very existence and would have probably killed Potter the moment he darkened her doorstep."

Many of the older Slytherins who understood where satisfied with his explanation. Including Malfoy.

"Many of you are probably wondering how I knew about this Valley of Peace. Before I became a Death Eater I wondered the world studying various types of Potions and Poisons and Antidotes. My young mind was bulging with so much information I had to find some way to store it all in a way that wouldn't make me go insane. So I did some research and found Master Shifu. Many of you may remember him as the Assistant Self Defense Professor a few years ago. He is one of the world's most renown Muggle Kung Fu Masters and is also one of the few Buddhists to actually create their own Storage Spaces in their minds. This is accompolished by reaching your own inner spirit and arranging your thoughts as if they where your own personal library of books."

Many younger Slytherins wowed again.

"And by now I'm sure Potter can do this as well. Some of you may believe that Potter is treated like a Prince since he lives in a palace. But before you pass judgement I suggest you listen to the story first."

A short while later Slytherin House returned to the Great Hall.

"Hem Hem." Dolores coughed and almost every student glared at her. They really hated that phony cough.

"Dolores." Minerva warned before opening the book and started reading. "Chapter 2: Five Years Later."

Oh this should be good. Harry smiled. He still writes to his friends from way back then.

**"But papa, why can't I go out into town? Tigress can." 5 year old Harry asked the red panda that had adopted him.**

**"Because I don't want anything to happen to you little one, I have told you this over and over." The elderly male said with a sad tone as he saw Harry's disappointed look as the 5 year old held onto his teddy panda. He did not want to start teaching his son martial arts too early. Not like his past mistake. "That is my final word." He said firmly.**

"So he was assuming you would turn out like someone he knew?" Hermione asked.

"Someone he raised." Harry corrected.

Hermione was silenced by the dark look from Harry.

**"Yes sir." Harry said sadly bowing to the small red panda and leaving to his own chambers. But he wouldn't take this lying down. He had a plan.**

"Here we go." Ron groaned.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Your plans aren't exactly the best." Hermione smiled at their friend.

**Though his plans didn't go as well normally. He tried to spy on the Furious Five's sparring sessions once and his dad caught him in five seconds. The well meaning red panda did not want him learning martial arts before he was at least seven. But, what he didn't know, was that from Harry's room he had a perfect view of the practice greens where the FF normally practiced stances and techniques.**

"Spies on where he's not wanted..." Umbridge wrote on her clipboard.

**"Good Morning Master (Father)" The Five and Harry said at the stroke of five. Holding his bear as he said it. **

"Mr. Fluffy." Harry smiled. He kept his teddy on his bed even as a fifteen year old. "GrandMaster Oogway gave him to me when I was two." He explained to curious looks from other houses.

Gryffindor House gave a collective shudder. Woe be to whoever did something to Harry Potter's teddy panda bear.

"FIVE?" Dean Thomas asked in shock. "How could anyone get up at such an ungodly hour?"

"Easily." Harry supplied. "When you've trained your body to wake up at a certain time it gets easier."

**Shifu chuckled as he passed his adopted son and walked down the hallway. The Five joined him in their morning sparring sessions as Harry went to another hall for his morning studies. **

"Five to Ten for Academics, then a 2 hour break for a free period and lunch, then excersizing drills in the afternoon till three with small breaks." Harry still went by this schedule at home. But was allowed to sleep in now and then. The Ravenclaws approved of his study schedule in thier minds.

"So that's why your up before anyone else." A Gryffindor Seventh Year muttered having woken up and seen the boy with various scrolls

**He smiled inwardly. When the cleaning staff walked out the door, he would sneak off to the village. **

"That's not bad for you." Seamus said in an impressed tone.

Umbridge smirked and wrote "Sneaks Around"

**At ten o'clock on the dot he closed his scrolls and packed Mr. Fluffy in a napsack he snuck as quietly as he could sneak past the Five's training room and managed to sneak out the door just as the last pig left.**

Sneaking out...very Slytherin...

**"Victory!" He shouted then shut his mouth. "Victory!" He whispered excitedly and ran down the long flight of steps that lead to the palace doors.**

**"He never learns does he?" Tigress smiled as she watched the young human jump over the wall impressively for a five year old human.**

"Months of practice helped." Harry smirked.

"OVER the wall?" Hermione asked.

"I basically jumped from wall to wall until I was able to jump over the wall leading out of the palace."

**"Seems like he's been spying on us again." Mantis said.**

**"Do we tell Master?" Viper asked as she slithered onto the rooftop.**

**"He's never been outside the palace. Let him explore a little." Monkey suggested.**

"Not even supervised?" Ginny asked in shock.

"Baba was very protective." Harry nodded.

**"I second that." Crane said as he positioned his straw hat.**

**"If he gets into trouble, then we tell Master." Tigress agreed as they all vanished.**

**Harry was so excited as he explored the Valley's village. He saw a group of kids with some older siblings in a nearby Kung Fu academy's uniform.**

"How come these animal people aren't seen in muggle society?" Hermione asked curiously.

"Their like wizards. Best left alone" Harry said simply remembering one time when he was eight and the other students where calling him a freak because he was the only human in the Valley. "Can you imagine Muggle Human governments capturing them and experimenting and/or putting them into camps?" Harry asked and Hermione looked thoughtful at the answer.

**"Don't spend it all in one place a female wolf said as she gave her little brother a money sack. The group consisted of a male wolf around Harry's age with his older sister, a young female crane with her older brother. A Tigress cub with her older sister and a lion cub with his older brother. They said goodbye and ran off laughing to explore the town.**

**Smiling, Harry jumped on a nearby escape ladder and climbed up on the roof of the building. Using the roof jumping skills he had seen the Five use he jumped from rooftop to rooftop**

"Isn't that dangerous?" Padma asked from the Ravenclaw table.

"It can be if you don't know what your doing."

**Kai and his friends saw a human kid jumping from the rooftops and finally, jump down in front of them.**

**"Hi." He said eagerly.**

**"Who are you?" The crane girl asked warily, apparently wanting to ask "What are you?" But deciding on being polite. They where in unknown territory after all.**

"I'm the only human who lives in the Valley." Harry explained to some odd looks.

**"My name's Harry." He said. "I live over there." He pointed far away When the cubs turned around. Jaws dropped.**

**"You live in THE Jade Palace?" The lion cub asked in awe.**

**"I guess so." Harry said. Kind of uncomfortable with the awed looks the kids where giving them.**

And that was even before I knew about my fame here. Harry thought with dismay.

**"Do you know Master Shifu?"**

**"Have you met Master Shifu?"**

**"Can I have Tigress's autograph?" The wolf cub asked eagerly. Then blushed as he got curious looks from the other kids.**

"What is this? Twenty Questions?" Asked a muggleborn in Ravenclaw..

**"Yes. Yes. He's my dad. And I'm not sure. Ask her yourself." Harry answered the questions.**

**"Your dad?" The lion cub asked skeptically.**

**"Technically adopted." Harry admitted. "So do your siblings go to the Shaolin Academy north of here?" He asked. "I saw their uniforms." He elaborated.**

**"Yeah. We're supposed to start this year if Master Sho admits us." the crane said eagerly.**

**"Kei,. Shut up." The wolf cub hissed.**

This would be fun. This was their little fight with the academy students. Harry was grinning and everyone was wondering why.

**"Everyone's a beginner at some point. "Harry said to the wolf cub.**

**They played a game of Kung Fu tag which was much more fun than normal tag because there was roof top hopping involved. They weren't as good as Harry at roof hopping yet, but they knew the basics.**

"Cool." Said a random Muggleborn student. Thinking about a certain manga about a blonde ninja.

**"Five minute break!" Harry declared as they where all huffing and puffing. They had been playing for two hours already. And where getting tired. Suddenly, they where surrounded by a group of masked ninjas.**

"Why do you always get in trouble?" Hermione asked.

"Trouble normally finds me." Harry countered.

Umbridge smirked and scribbled on her clipboard again. Harry longed to break that board on her head.

**"What the hell?" The lion cub asked.**

**"Do you guys know any Kung Fu yet?" Harry asked getting into a stance he had learned out of a scroll he snuck once.**

"Sneaks...information he has no business knowing..." Umbridge muttered as she scribbled.

Minerva's nostrils where flaring. "Shut up, shut up." She hissed under her breath.

**"Just the basics." The wolf cub said as he got beside Harry and got into an unknown stance to Harry. As did his four friends.**

**"We can't fight them up here. What are we gonna do?" The crane asked.**

**"Looks like there's plenty of room down there." The Tiger cub said looking down to the village streets.**

**"Go guys!" Harry ordered. He jump kicked one ninja and the kids jumped off in pairs. First the Tigress and crane. Then the lion cub and the male tiger cub. Then the wolf cub. Leaving Harry to fight the ninja's off enough to hold them back. With two punches and an elbow jab to the face Harry hurled himself off of the roof and in front of the group.**

"I broke the leopard's nose." Harry grinned evily.

"You where that strong already?" Collin asked in shock.

"Shows pleasure at the idea of...violence..."

"Incendio!"

Umbridge shrieked as the board in her hands burst into emerald green flames and smoldered into ashes on the Staff Table. "WHO?" She started but Lavender Brown already was putting her wand back inside her robes.

Harry saw this and mouthed "Thank you."

Lavender merely smiled in response. She had a bone to pick with that bitchy toad since her despicable behavior with Professor Trewlawny.

**"Let's get these creeps!" The tigress said eagerly.**

**"Spread out!" Harry ordered. And the other kids ran off in different directions as the ninjas jumped down much to the shock of the crowd.**

**Luckily, when Harry spied on the Five's sparring sessions, it was when they where fighting with Bo staffs. He saw a shovel and quickly said "I need to borrow this sorry!" As the Swan shouted in protest when Harry pulled the wood out he twirled in in his hands. **

Umbridge shrieked as the new clipboard she had conjured burst into flames again. She looked to the Gryffindor table but saw no one putting wands away. Where she should have been looking was the Slytherin table where one of the older, Light Sided Slytherin's where putting his wand up in his robe pocket.

After several more clipboards burst into flames (26 altogether)

**"Bring it." He narrowed his eyes as the ninjas ran at him. Smack! Pow! He slammed the ends of the makeshift staff in the back of one ninja's neck and the other end into another's stomach and both bowled over the five year old's weapon. He also slammed it on the back of one and she fell to the ground. "Heads up!" He shouted as he jumped and round housed a monkey ninja in the head causing him to spin in mid air. Growing up with the Furious Five does have its perks. Harry thought.**

"Wow." Said several students. Harry could do THAT at five?

**The wolf cub known as Kai flipped over a fruit vendor and noticed a bucket. "Ever play kick the can?" He asked kicking the bucket at the ninja chasing him who caught it Kai rolled over the ninja's back and ducked backwards as the ninja slammed at his head giving the ninja a slam punch of his own in the gut and leg sweeping the ninja's legs so he fell. But he didn't notice another ninja who kicked him in the face causing him to spin in the air.**

"Its like a Bruce Lee movie!" Dennis Creevey said excitedly.

**The Tiger cub known as Lee continued to kick his opponent fast and in the gut eventually kicking him into a manure pile.**

Several students and teachers wrinkled their noses at the thought.

**The crane girl jump kicked both of her attackers managing to get one down but not the other and he chased her away as the Tigress cub ducked one of her attackers who jumped at her. He soared over her body as two more Tigers came at her. "Kiss and make up!" She said as she tried to do a move her sis had taught her once but the two males got the better of her and twirled her upside down. She grunted and finally flipped them both at the same time.**

"GIRL POWER!" Thought several witches of the muggleborn student body.

**The lion cub flipped backwards avoiding roundhouses with martial arts cries before pulling his opponent down to the ground with a kick. **

"Why aren't the Five showing up?" Asked a Third year Ravenclaw curiously.

**The crane girl known as Kei was running at a wall. She ran up it and kicked the gorilla chasing her in the buns. "Sit down." She grunted. "See ya." She said as she started hand stand flipping toward the fountain in the village square.**

**"Right behind you Kei." The Lee said as the Tiger flipped right behind her. Their friends where starting to lose their fights. They eventually flipped right up to the fountain and backing up to the stone. "Are you okay?" She asked as Harry was kicked over to them in the chest.**

**"Yeah." Harry said as the other 3 cubs joined them.**

**"Kai." The Tigress said as she helped the wolf cub up.**

**"They've got us cornered." Crane said. No one noticed their audience of villagers.**

**"We can't hold them off." Lee said.**

"That was kind of scary. The leopard from earlier was glaring at me." Harry admitted.

**"Well done." Said an old male voice as an old panda clapped and the ninjas got into two lines and bowed as the Grand Master of the Shaolin Academy came up to the group of children. "You pass."**

**"What?" The lion cub asked. Several of the ninjas took off their masks and revealed themselves to be the kids siblings. "That was your initiation." Lee's older brother said with a grin.**

**"And you." Grand Master Sho said to Harry. "I don't believe I've ever seen you before."**

**"My name's Harry." He introduced himself to the panda. "I live in the palace."**

**"You are a very talented young warrior." The old panda said in an approving tone as the ninja's Harry took out rubbed the spots where Harry hit them. "Give Grand Master Oogway my regards." HE turned to the children. "Come. We have much to discuss." He turned to leave.**

**"I wonder why the Furious Five didn't show up?" Kei asked.**

"Yeah, why didn't they?" Asked a Second Year Slytherin. "Aren't they like protectors or something?"

**"They probably already knew about this." Harry said in realization. "They protect the Valley from its enemies. If they where real enemies, they would have shown no mercy."**

"Oh." Said the young Slytherin.

**"Uh, you dropped this." Kai said to Harry giving him his napsack that had Mr. Fluffy in it. "During the fight."**

"You carry it with you?" Asked a Sixth year Hufflepuff girl.

"I used to take it everywhere. Except the bath." Harry explained. "Now I just keep him on my bed."

**"Mr. Fluffy!" Harry said eagerly. Taking out the panda and . "I thought I lost you!"**

**"Mr. Fluffy?" Lee asked with a raised eye.**

**"Master Oogway gave him to me on my second birthday." Harry said.**

**"Well, we gotta go." Kai said seeing their siblings waving them over. "See ya!" He said eagerly as he and the other children ran off.**

**"Bye." Harry said sadly. He knew he had to go back home now. Hopefully baba wouldn't have noticed him missing.**

"I wish I had more friends my age back then." Harry said sadly. They wrote now and then, but over the years they wrote less and less.

**"And where have you been?" Said a voice behind him as he entered the palace he called home.**

"Busted." Said a Muggleborn Fourth Year Gryffindor.

**"Uh oh." He said.**

**"Uh oh indeed." Shifu's voice said as he tugged on his son's ear and dragged him through the palace much to the Five's amusement. "Baba please! Not the ear!"**

"Let's see you have your ear in a Kung Fu Master's grip and see how you like it." Harry snapped at Ron and Hermione who where torn between amusement and well...okay they where amused but where trying to hide it. Poorly.

"I'll read next Minerva." Dumbledore offered and he took the book from his Deputy Headmistress. "One Year Later." He read the chapter title.

Harry winced. They where getting closer to his fight with Tai's old self. He was not looking forward to Umbridge's rants about his strength.

**To Be Continued...**

**Wow...eleven pages long...holy crap. **

**Review Review Review!**

**Dean the Cuddly Fox **


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